A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience were in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went washed-out with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out...
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"... and I can't remember who she was!"


Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather

coat. It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007

models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs27,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing … The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs.55,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 55,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape…..
He smiles and asks:
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"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued..
"Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

Laloo Prasadji decides that he is a very popular and famous person, and like all famous persons, there should be a postage stamp issued in his honour.

So he orders Rabri Deviji, "Arre hammar photoo wala stamp nikalo." (Issue a photo stamp of mine)
Rabriji obediently calls all the ministers and officers concerned, tells them to get a postage stamp with Laloo ji's photooo on it designed by the best design house, printed on the best paper, applied with the best gum...after all, Lalooji ka stamp hai.

The stamp is made, and released with much fanfare. However, Lalooji starts receiving complaints about it soon... people say the stamp doesnt stick!!
Lalooji is furious,"Hum kahe the ki accha stamp banao..". (I told you ppl to issue the best stamp)

The All officials run helter skelter to find out whats wrong, and finally report back to Rabri devi, "Madam, the paper and gum are definitely of the best quality. In fact, even the printing is great - the photo resembles Lalooji exactly. The problem is, people are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp!!

George W. Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleezza Rice : Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."